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Fish Outta Water

by Guadalajara Joe!

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1.
Oh baby, Thank you for not wearing any socks What you have between your calves and your feet rocks! Oh baby I'm so thankful For those cankles! At any angle They are so tranquil I just love your cankles You're so fine and filled with charm I wanna massage your forearms! I'll tickle your toes then light some candles Now it's time for me 2 to rub those cankles I work my way up then all the way down Cuz coconut oil gets rid of frowns Let have a smoothie Cuz they are so groovy Open my laptop Put on a movie What's the plot? I havent got a clue Whatchugunnado Should we do some kung-fu I'll break a brick Straight over my head Then karate kick the door To the floor by the bed Then I oil up those cankles As I lay on the floor I massage them While we eat s'mores Then we do some chores Like mopping and dusting Pelvic thrusting Then you turn into a mustang! Oh baby I'm so thankful For those cankles! At any angle They are so tranquil I just love your cankles You're so neat Baby, you're so sweet Let me massage on your feet An open mind Is the key Into other dimensions We'll journey Yes darling Come over here So I spank That nice round rear. Yeah I know That you've been so good So i got you a gift It's called balsa wood I put the bubbles Into your bath Whisper into your ear You do the math 1 plus one = 69 And the timing's always right Cuz you're so divine Love jams nonstop Our phones are dead I wanna charge you up And then butter your bread I'll taste your flan Yes you can bet Freaky moves Result in sweat! Oh baby I'm so thankful For those cankles! At any angle They are so tranquil I just love your cankles I'm so thankful for your cankles, Thank U!
2.
Tinderin…it is so darn neat Why meet in real life? When you can find love digitally Download the app Onto your phone Upload your sexy pics Then type a hot bio About yourself Then get to swipin’ If your match is a different race No need for stereotyping And make sure they aren’t too far away Cuz the cost of gas is way overpriced these days! So find your match Futuristically By swipin' right Brings your luck up statistically Also swipe right if the feeling is right But swipe left if it looks like they have bad breath So if you’re seeking to catch That perfect match Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or If you’re feelin all alone And searchin' for a bone Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or if you’re just plain bored And looking to score Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or trying to get hip to a relationship Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Endless potential matches that just wont quit Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' And Tinderin …. It can get scandalous From Half Moon Bay To east Los Angeles So watch out cuz a girl might be a guy And if you get tricked in real life then hay it’s ok to cry You know who loves to tinder?....here we go Tina Turner Tinders Tony Toni Tone Thompson Twins Tinder Tanya Tucker Tim Tebow Tinders Turtle Titties Ted Turner tinders Tiger Testicals Tatu tinders Ton Tons (the plane the plane) I'm talking bout TTTTTTTTTT Tinder! And don't 4get.... So if you’re seeking to catch That perfect match Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or If you’re feelin all alone And searchin' for a bone Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or if you’re just plain bored And looking to score Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Or trying to get hip to a relationship Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' Endless potential matches that just wont quit Get Tinderin' get Tinderin' And I'm out!
3.
Didja Hafta 01:43
Didja hafta hurt me baby? Didja hafta hurt me true? You hooked up with all my friends... Greg, Kip, Merv and Lou Didja hafta hurt me baby? Didja hafta hurt me true? Why did I trust you so much? I shoulda known what you were gunna do Didja hafta hurt me baby? Didja hafta hurt me now? You threw all my stuff out the window Even my pet mouse Didja hafta hurt me baby? Didja hafta hurt me now? Now my head's all outta wack And you're the one havin' a cow? Didja hafta hurt me baby? Didja hafta hurt me now? Oh by the way I just won the lottery 10 trillion dollars so uh Ciao! Cha Ching, Baby!
4.
This is a jam for the Haggerty's (Linda n Jim) Who are so hospitable and mannerly (where do I begin) Livin' adjacent to state street This songs for you two Cuz you’re both so great! So fire up that kiln! Cuz this funky fresh jam is super duper ill I Hope to see ya’ll soon And I'm sorry it took so long, but this song’s for you! His name's Jar Jar Jabbar Eating tuna tar tar While puffin three cigars He was the manager at K-mart In Goleta, california And he's a superstar Always shooting under par He has a bizarre scar that he got from a golf cart Jar Jar Jabbar…that's his name…and he’s gnar gnar Here we gooooo Welllllllllllll Kareem of Paula Abdul Jabbar Straight up now tell me Who you think are Always stealin' caviar From the salad bar At Hometown Buffet In Corona del mar He rides around doing random stuff Like dancing down the block Taking hecka vape puffs While controllin' his drone like Al Capone Singing Wham on karaoke without a microphone And that’s ok cuz his buzz certainly does has some fuzz And when did making sense not make sense And who was the first person to put up a fence They must’ve been really really tense Hence the structural defense at their own expense And I hope they lit some incense Cuz the whole situation is immense with suspense And now its time for the chorus Horus Cuz this song ain't gunna pay the rent! His name's Jar Jar Jabbar Eating tuna tar tar While puffin three cigars He was the manager at K-mart In Goleta, california And he's a superstar Always shooting under par He has a bizarre scar that he got from a golf cart Jar Jar Jabbar…that's his name…and he’s gnar gnar All alone on Alcatraz With an uncharged phone acting like a spaz Jar Jar Jabbar Is quite the guy Cruising in his car That flies in the sky Jar Jar Jabbar Can't drive a car So he ain't going far And If you swim in broken glass you ain't getting far Like trying to drive around with no gas in your car Jar Jar Jabbar His name's Jar Jar Jabbar Eating tuna tar tar While puffin three cigars He was the manager at K-mart In Goleta, california And he's a superstar Always shooting under par He has a bizarre scar that he got from a golf cart Jar Jar Jabbar…that's his name…and he’s gnar gnar
5.
I'm a fish outta water Yup that's pho sho I wanna live off land But there’s nowhere to go Gotta pay taxes To Organized crime And that’s just a fraction Of the hurdles to climb I was...taught the wrong lessons While I was in school Now I'm second guessin How I was raised to be a fool Which Plants are the medicine? No one told me I had to study Edison Get brainwashed by tv So then I stepped back And ate some shrooms The systems is wack I got nothing to prove Time to be the void That I've wanted to be No more being annoyed Time to set myself free By going low pro Yes That is the way Taking things slow Enjoying the moments of each day But where can I go To just live off the land That’s illegal you know! Say the politiciANS No digging wells To get your own water You must stare at your cel And your food must be ordered Cuz all these apps are all crap Is what my inner voice says Just traps that will slap Common sense out our heads I'm a fish outta water Yup that's pho sho I wanna live off the land But there’s nowhere to go Gotta pay taxes To Organized crime And that’s just a fraction Of the hurdles to climb Workin' for a living Is a treadmill So much time given That ends up nowhere I just wanna dance And eat some fruits n vegetables Take a chance on romance Share these genitals But people too serious Full of fear from the tube I get so delirious When I'm in a big group So I try to stay rogue As often as I can Full time job? Nope! I'd rather go skimMAN So I'll just stay low pro FILIN' all the time Goin' with the flow No more hills to climb Just chillin' on the sand Enjoying the moment No more building a brand Now my soul is glowin! Cuz I'm a fish outta water Yup that's pho sho I wanna live off the land But there’s nowhere to go Gotta pay taxes To Organized crime And that’s just a fraction Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb Of the hurdles to climb
6.
We're all just balls of LOVE And there's NOTHING to be scared of!
7.
I wanna live with an indigenous tribe I know It might sound crazy so I’ll explain why They know how to actually survive and thrive By co-creating life in nature with the divine I think the western way of life is rather corny Unbalanced, unhealthy, illogical, and lonely The 13 mentally ill families that own us are satanic Brainwashing us since birth to cause a panic They control the governments, companies, schools and the whole System By masking our magical powers and infinite wisdom Enslaving us instead to chase a carrot Interrupting our infinite thought process and free spirit So it might be time for a lifestyle change for me And living with an indigenous tribe might sound pretty strange you see But they’ve been thriving off the land for thousands of years The unsustainable western world’s probably going to disappear…in the Near future Technological advances are setbacks Computers, tv, and cel phones are like crack Living in nature is wayyy more healthy It has as the cures within making our souls wealthy So long to mental illness and hello to peace And foraging organic food and medicine will cure every disease I wanna live with an indigenous tribe I know It might sound crazy so I’ve explained why Cuz they know how to actually survive and thrive By co-creating life in nature with the divine Ok the mental seed has been planted…will it get watered?
8.
People be arguing… That the earth is flat Or NO The earth’s a globe Well guess what? I think they’re both wrong yo! It's infinite and bumpy In every direction Created by a mastermind With divine intelligence The big bang is B.S. Cuz there is NO edge And if you don’t agree You’ve been programmed By occult propaganda We have been brainwashed since birth By school and the media About fake shapes of the earth And NASA They’re so full of crap 20 billion $ a year To feed you special effects And people be defending the lies Cuz they’re fans Of Darth Vader and Star Trek And other science fic-SHAN And I aint preachin I'm just spillin the beans So don’t shoot the messenger Turn of your TV Cuz here’s wayyyy more land Than we’ve been taught Just ask Admiral Byrd Oh wait, he got popped And This realm we’re in Is infinite and bumpy So don’t let the media Make your mind grumpy Keep your head up high Free the addiction from your cel (phone) Cuz mind reading’s real And we’re MAGICAL! And Mark twain said… It’s easier to fool people Than to convince e'm than they’ve been fooled At least thinking’s still legal But is it for that long duuuudes? Our existence isn’t random We aint floating in space We’re in a dimension of heaven So boycott the rat race And what else… Diet is a weapon Processed food makes disease While leafy greens keep ya livin’ But food addiction‘s Got us hooked on that sugar Speeding up our aging So we die way quicker Cuz we can actually live For hundreds of years As long as humans Make fun of their fears And if you work for a company That’s founded on greed I suggest you quit that crap Then help peeps with special needs! But it's your life So just do what you feel And in this plastic world Our inner voices know whats real And this song Ain't never gunna be a hit And I don’t even care Cuz my art’s never gunna quit.. And this realm we’re in Is infinite and bumpy So don’t let the media Make your mind grumpy Keep your head up high Free the addiction from your cel (phone) Cuz mind reading’s real And we’re MAGICAL! And we’re magical And we’re magical And we’re magical And we’re magical And we’re magical
9.
Euro Peein' 02:09
All night I’ve been dancin' Now I have no pants on Cinnamon spice Served with ice All your wishes are granted And it's such a lovely feeling When everything’s appealing If it's fun you seek Then do the freak Then dance upon the ceiling Then if you feel the vibe Scream and shout cuz your alive Then dip your toes Into some snow Because the magic has arrived When I'm on my way to Rome In search of parties full of foam! What you're seein'..is European When I'm rockin' pleather pants All i wanna do is dance What I'm feelin'..it's Euro peein When I'm a peein' on a tree While peaking on exstacy I'm a human bein'....that’s Euro peein I went on Air BnB For a week in Gay Paris Exchanged some Euros for my Dollars So my trip would be complete. Then I bought some pleather pants So it's easier for romance Then a mesh vest for over my chest To put the women in a trance The dance floor was a haze Of french fries and mayonaise I felt the heat of the beats Not being discreet usually pays Cuz all night I was dancin' And then I had no pants on Then su-ddenly I had to pee Time for Euro peein' action When I'm on my way to Rome In search of parties full of foam! What you're seein'..is European When I'm rockin' pleather pants All i wanna do is dance What I'm feelin'..it's Euro peein When I'm a peein' on a tree While peaking on exstacy I'm a human bein'....that’s Euro peein Just Work your body It's time to get naughty And If you're peaking at the party Then change your name to marty!
10.
When she walked through the door I did a double take and more And my jaw dropped to the floor As I noticed all of her beauty She was wearin high heeled shoes And a summer dress The style that she had simply was the best And I got all kinds of nervous  When she made eye contact with me She gave me a sexy look that shook and cooked  And I melted and felt just like a rook And she came up to me and accidentally stepped on my foot  And then she said sorrry Right there and then I didn't know what to do I started bleeding in my shoe But I had to meet this cutie So I smiled and said "Hi, My name is Doug!" And she said "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" And ask you to dance with me" She said "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" And ask you to dance with me" And I asked, "Are you sure you wanna dance with me?" I just started bleeding in my shoe ya see" And you look so darn pretty" But I think I need to go to the hospital first and get my foot checked out And she said, "What you talkin' bout Doug?" I wanna dance...you know Cut Some Rug" I don't wanna sit here like a slug" So I took off my shoe and showed her my wound That had been created by her high heeled shoe.... Puncturing it and getting all bloody inside of my shoe, ya Know? And I said, "Before we dance please take a glance With my foot I can't take a chance... I wanna shower you with all kinds of romance, But I think I need like 9 stitches in my foot first" And we decided to immediately leave the bar  So we got into my car And we drove not that far Over to the hospital, pulled up into the parking lot, Looked at each other and smiled.... And she said "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" And ask you to dance with me" She said "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" And ask you to dance with me" So about an hour later we went in To the hospital with big ole grins And I noticed that we both had sore shins But at least my foot had stopped bleedin' And I was so excited I picked her up off the ground, Gave her a twirl-a-round and then a car passed by Bumpin' the funky sound So we danced right there and then! We were having so much fun And I gave her a suggest-shion... So we decided to go back to the bar So we got into my car And we drove not that far Went in and had some tasty and strong beverages... So we sat down and looked each other in the eye She said, "My Oh My...this song's pretty fly!" So we got up and danced the night away. And it was so fun and I started smilin' And she started smilin' and everyone was smilin'... And she whispered in my ear... And she whispered "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" and ask you to dance with me" And I said, "I can't hear you with this music playin'... Can you like speak up?" And She said "Smiles are contagious" Frowns are outrageous" Time for me to get courageous" And ask you to dance with meeeeee"

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This is Guadalajara Joe's 6th Album! Enjoy!

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released December 19, 2019

I LOVE YOU ALL!
Album Art by @JohnKeddie !!!!

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Guadalajara Joe California

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