Mr. Bling Bling

by Guadalajara Joe

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about

another bunch of homemade Guadalajara Joe songs for you to bump. featuring Rich White Bitch!

credits

released December 9, 2009

Guadalajara Joe, Rich White Bitch, the Yamaha djx 1, a Radio Shack mic, and Garageband

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Guadalajara Joe California

songwriter/ dancer

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Track Name: Rump Quake
well it's a 6.9 on the richter scale
bust those funky moves
and you'll never fail
you're lookin so fine
baby be mine
your fanny in my face
definition of a great time
now we're doing the lambada
i attack your booty
like the spanish armada
your butt is nonstop jiggles
and we both start to giggle
as you tickle my pickle
and u can feel it gettin bigger
i suck your ear lobe
as you pull my trigger
people say get a room
then we zoom zoom, baby
and a boom boom boom!

rump quake
shake n bake
makin good love
is a give n take
you don't think so
yo conozco
if you wanna get noticed
shake yer muffin
on the dance floor
(repeat)

now i wanna feel yer after shocks
i'm a ill pervert
thinkin' about yer crotch
i was born with a sick mind
lemme sniff that box
and scratch your behind
i wanna make you mine
funky fresh sexy breath
let's share some wine
feelin oh so groovy
no clothes on
makin movies in the hot tub
private parts up to the jets
when we knockin boots
we both come correct
gettin a lil too loud
the neighbor at the fence
yells cut it out!
we tell him stfu
cuz we're rump quakin, baby
then makin a love typhoon

rump quake
shake n bake
makin good love
is a give n take
you don't think so
yo conozco
if you wanna get noticed
shake yer muffin
on the dance floor
(repeat)
Track Name: Physical Party
oh you're such a hottie
oh i want your body
how about we get together
and have a physical party
oh yeah it's gonna feel so good
good god i'm gonna pop some wood
how about we explode together like i know that we should

i'm talkin about
big butts
pretty smiles
sexy moves
let's hang for a while
and do the things that feel correct
like- sweet sweat in a private jet
chocolate sauce pours down your bra
i lick it clean cuz that's the law
first class to cloud 9
comfy window seat you're so darn fine
all our clothes get ripped off
i rub your thighs
they are ohhhhh so soft

oh you're such a hottie
oh i want your body
how about we get together
and have a physical party
oh yeah it's gonna feel so good
good god i'm gonna pop some wood
how about we explode together like i know that we should

under the blankets is where we lay
and for a while that's where we'll stay
you feel me and i feel you back
jager shots off each other's butt cracks
smokin hash with tango and cash
takin dirty pics without the flash
i pour milk all over your boobs
as you shower me with astro lube
great times that we'll never forget
it's like bon jovi's album, "slippery when wet"

oh you're such a hottie
oh i want your body
how about we get together
and have a physical party
oh yeah it's gonna feel so good
good god i'm gonna pop some wood
how about we explode together like i know that we should
Track Name: Horny as Hell
Hey guess what….I’m HORNY AS HELL!
Been that way since I was around 12
When my pituitary gland kicked in
And ever since then, that’s how it’s been

Hey sexy girl with the designer perfume
I wanna smell your flower cuz you’re in full bloom
So let’s talk about the birds and the bees
You got one of those and I got one of these
And when mine’s hard it goes inside of yours
And when we get it goin’ we’ll have some sweaty pours
Oh, you know you’re making me so horny
And I’m sorry if you think my lyrics are kinda corny
But I got intercourse on my mind
thinking about humping you all the time
Everything about you is oh so fine
So come over here, and I'll letcha slap my behind!

Hey guess what….I’m HORNY AS HELL!
Been that way since I was around 12
When my pituitary gland kicked in
And ever since then, that’s how it’s been

Guadalajara Joe- John Holmes look-a-like
I ride my bike naked drinkin' punch that’s spiked
I think you need to be pleased asap
So come over here and let me smack YOUR booty
You’re such a cutie
No I’m not talkin’ bout tofutti
Cuz if I wanted one of those
I’d go to trader joe’s
And put my mac down on the milfs that are shoppin’
But what I really want is to get your party poppin’
It’s off the hook so take a look
When we get together passion’s really gonna cook

Hey guess what?….I’m HORNY AS HELL!
Been that way since I was around 12
When my pituitary gland kicked in
And ever since then, that’s how it’s been

Uh oh, looks like it’s Verse 3,
We got no time for tai chi
Or tai bo,
let’s just do it on the flo-
Or in a bed instead
that’s what I said
Or on the roof I’ll bring the pillows and the blanket
Show me that butt and you know I’m gonna spank it
All night long til the sun comes up
Or until it sets- I don’t give a flying saucer
You a sexy double crosser
You a nasty salad tosser
I love your posture

Hey guess what?….I’m HORNY AS HELL!
Been that way since I was around 12
When my pituitary gland kicked in
And ever since then, that’s how it’s been
Track Name: Mr. Bling Bling
mr bling bling
is a jewelry king
selling grills, gold chains, and diamond rings
he has flings with honey's from beijing
he's on g-strings like static cling
and it ain't no thing but a chicken wing
like a bee he will sting you in the spring
push you off of a swing
put you into a sling
tie you up with shoe strings
then feed you to yao ming

in san francisco there's this jewelry store
just off of geary and fillmore
mr. bling bling that what it's called
and whenever i pass by i yell "check it out y'all"
read the review on yelp
you want big pimpin, mr. bling bling can help
get a grill to give the females thrills
and once you leave this place
you got hot booties in your face
free piece of custard pie
healthy jugs bouncing right in front of your eyes
you enter the boom boom room
and get pulled into the ladies room and get consumed
everyone gets so excited
and you must admit that you too are delighted
clothing flies off into the air
all because of that BLING, I declare

mr bling bling
is a jewelry king
selling grills, gold chains, and diamond rings
he has flings with honey's from beijing
he's on g-strings like static cling
and it ain't no thing but a chicken wing
like a bee he will sting you in the spring
push you off of a swing
put you into a sling
tie you up with shoe strings
then feed you to yao ming

now what else would you like to hear?
that mr. bling bling's is frequented by richard gere?
i thought that dude only shopped at ross
getting tapered khaki cargo shants made by hugo boss
and now it's time for shots
of popv, cuervo, and sake that's hot
i'm gonna give it all i got
i'm a wishful thinker
an ambitious drinker
hot damn this beat's so tight
i makes breezies' butts bounce with all of their might
let's have some fun tonite
you feed me boob sandwich
i give you orgasmic delight
you wanna play light brite?
well if we do it in our birthday suits....
it'll be outta sight
and yo i have a hunch.......
that sonja and miguel are eating lunch.

mr bling bling
is a jewelry king
selling grills, gold chains, and diamond rings
he has flings with honey's from beijing
he's on g-strings like static cling
and it ain't no thing but a chicken wing
like a bee he will sting you in the spring
push you off of a swing
put you into a sling
tie you up with shoe strings
then feed you to yao ming
Track Name: Rice n' Beans Within the Whole Enchilada
whutchu want?
the whole enchilada?
who do you think you are?
Erik Estrada?
Track Name: Shetland Ass
i’m from hayward
hayward to your mom
i’m guadalajara joe
and my songs are da bomb
it’s a diggity wiggity hayyy
yo, i pump my private
parts every single day!
i snort poprocks in style
in the carls jr. drive thru
i get buck wild
with horny honeys
that do it like rabbits
they want big bacon burger
yeah right - i feed them cabbage
and i’m a savage
just like my buddy dennis
and i always hit homeruns
whenever i play tennis
hot damn,
mathew mark and john
i read the bible when i’m high
on crystal meth flan
flim flam
fatty boo blatty
when i worked as a valet
i dented a brand new caddy
i ain’t perfect
that’s for sure
but i try to be nice
even when the visions blurred
ya heaaarrd

i get on with my shetland ass
i shoot stress into space and just have a blast
i move my body to the beat
and when fine ladies get naked i think it’s rather neat

i’m high as a duck
that ain’t got wings
hockey puck to the face
that’s gonna sting
fly girl
i’ll rock your world
beats from garagaeband
necklace of pearls
on your chest
i’m the best cuz i’ll cheer
your booty up when you get depressed
so let’s get undressed
in my nest the only thing we’re wearing are
orange vests
and whipped cream in our hair
i ran outta mousse and i don’t care
you want dinner
‘i make you pb & j
need beauty products
my aunt sells mary kay
you want excitement
we can role in the hay
ride me sexy cowgirl
like it’s your birthday!
am i fun?
i’m an amusement park
blow out my candle
let’s play in the dark
you’ll be thinkin about me
all the time
i’m guadalajara joe
my favorite number’s 69

get on with your shetland ass
shoot your stress into space and just have a blast
I move my body to the beat
and fine ladies get naked i think it's rather neat
Track Name: Rich White Bitch Rap
i gotta house on the beach
and a house in the hills
don't be jealous cuz it's muthafukkin ill
i drive back and forth in my black dodge magnum
you like all this bling well guess what?
you can't have 'em
everything i have surely wasn't free
everything i have daddy bought for me
travelling in style really is a must
cuz first class tickets are included in my trust fund
where you goin?
there ain't no plus one
telling all the world and everyone
that a ritch white bitch ain't nothin to fuck wit!
Track Name: Speedo
speedo
Track Name: Movin' n' Groovin'
shake that booty all around
have some fun no need to frown
take a deep breath you're alive
give your friend a big high five
move your feet like kevin bacon
or willard from footloose
celebration
chasing dreams is sweeping the nation
fiesta forever
life's a vacation
with ups and downs
but now we're up
i drink tequila outta coffee cups
with nilla wafers in my mouth
rump quakin i can't do without

movin and groovin
no need to be provin
anything to anybody
simulatneously nice and naughty

eat a snack
i got your back
i heard funky moves prevent heart attacks
so do vegetables and fruits
especially while wearing cowboy boots
i like to go down slip n slides with girls in bikinis
what a ride
layin out under the sun
you know this party's just begun
and when it ends we'll do it again
and it ain't over yet my friend
so bob your brain from left to right
let your eyebrows have fun tonite
now find the one you like and
squeeze their butt
have a good time
you know what's upppppp!

movin and groovin
no need to be provin
anything to anybody
simulatneously nice and naughty
Track Name: Fountain of Youth
lyrics
knock knock
who's there
can i come in
side of you
how'have you been
it's been a long while
and i've missed your smile
and all those times
that we got buckwild
you look so fine
will you be mine
not everyday
but just part time
it's an easy duty
you're such a cutie
just remove all your clothes
and jiggle your booty
in my face
pick up the pace
suck on my honey
enjoy the taste
it feels so right
you feel so tight
but you know i can't see you
every night
i got things to do
and places to be
but for the time being
you are my baby
so close your eyes
and enjoy the ride
as i fill you up with
a shot of some pride
oh shucks you're so wet
and there's no sweat yet
upcoming orgasms
that you'll never forget
and when we're all done
we'll feel tingly and numb
i got cigarettes
and you can bum one
soooo

> just light my flame
> it's a simple little game
> it's so fun to play
> no need to feel shame
> relationships are lame
> yeah, that's the truth
screw growin old together
drink my fountain of youth
>
> nothing lasts forever
> that is a fact
> but whipped cream on your body
> is a wonderful snack
> i wanna lick you
> up and down
> left and right
> all around
> the world -
> sure ain't perfect
> but intercourse rules
everytime i check
> so let's act like like rabbits
> and make it a habit
> show me that wound
> you know i’ll stab it
> i loan you my bone
> gonna make you moan
> then you cry out my name
> when you're all alone
> but don't contact me
> when we're apart
> it's a part time thing
> eclipse of the heart
> emotions
> they belong in the ocean
as my tide rises
i rub you with lotion
i know you want me
i want you to sometimes
when u see me
we’ll close the blinds
in a trashy motel
oh what the hell
i’ll lie and say i love you
if your vadge don’t smell


just light my flame
> it's a simple little game
> it's so fun to play
> no need to feel shame
> relationships get lame
> yeah, that's the truth
screw growin old together
drink my fountain of youth
Track Name: Time To Get Freaky
Thyme2getphreaky

Thyme2getphreaky
yeah, that’s right
it don’t matter if it’s day or night
just get real close to the one you like
freak ‘em up n’ down
phyical delight

repeat

funky beats
tasty treats
sounds for your mind
that makes you freak
body friction
is my addiction
pleasure overload
that’s my prediction
so don’t stop with your sexy ass moves
you’re turning me on with all your fine grooves
and i love when you flaunt want you got
and when you take it off i always approve

Thyme2getphreaky
yeah, that’s right
it don’t matter if it’s day or night
just get real close to the one you like
freak ‘em up n’ down
phyical delight

repeat

your body language is oh so clear
and you shake it all around you make me wanna stand up and cheer
and i love the way you move your rear
gonna take your picture like a star at a movie premiere
and i can’t stop checkin’ you out
you got it goin’ on without a doubt
when you’re in freak mode you go all out
gonna do that hoky poky as you shake it all about
oh, how i’m gettin’ excited
i’m having a physical party and you’re the only one invited
and i can’t wait to get united
no need to start a fire cuz it’s already ignited

Thyme2getphreaky
yeah, that’s right
it don’t matter if it’s day or night
just get real close to the one you like
freak ‘em up n’ down
phyical delight

repeat
so, uh hay
what else do i need to say?
i lwanna taste your fruity pebbles in a major way
ohhh baby
and i love it when you’re freaking me
you’re making me so hot you see
the fruit is so ripe on your tree
can’t wait for you to set me free
right now
anything you want to do i’lll allow
all those positions just make me go wow
and when you’re all done could you maybe take a bow?

Thyme2getphreaky
yeah, that’s right
it don’t matter if it’s day or night
just get real close to the one you like
freak ‘em up n’ down
phyical delight

repeat
Track Name: Toyotally Popular
i'm toyotally popular
hecka mainstream
sometimes i rock maker's
other times jim beam
i solve problems with unexplainable answers
and my goal in life is to be a soul train dancer

got my balls botoxed at the mall
got a free pair of mesh pants with the deal
the girls screamed yes yes y’all
when i go camping it’s in tents
i got smores so big
my landlord pays me the rent
and i like to wear bear suits around the fire
fine ladies snuggle up to me
when i’m watching knightrider
my favorite beer is tecate
my favorite thing to do besides sleep in
is to party!
hot naked ladies excite me
i like to rub oils and lotions
all over their bodies!
we discuss shallow topics like the weather
i make them all wet
then we build hot sex together!

i’m toyotally popular
hecka mainstream
a lotta times i rock maker’s
other times jim beam
i got unsolvable problems
and unexplainable answers
and before i die i wanna be a soul train dancer

tequila and cranberry juice is rather tasty
after guzzlin’ a few of those
i’m rather wasted
then slurred words are the norm
when i’m in that state it allows all the women
to seduce my big worm
pleasure principal is the key
actually
i’m not exactly
sure what that means
it was janet jackson’s hit song from ‘87
if i drove a camero
the gas pedal i’d be revin’
peelin’ out in the target parking lot
showin off my engine
and my tatoo of braveheart
just kidding i ain’t got no tatoo’s
but i’m gonna get a yinyang one on my ankle
with a dolphin going through a hoop
Track Name: Tasty Girl
ohhhhh you're such a tasty girl
i think i wanna rock your world
so why don'y u cum fly with me
temporary ecstacy
Track Name: The Blumpy Song
give me that blumpyyyyyy
when i'm sittin down
bathroom door is closed
don'tchew plug your nose
make me scream and shout

just give that blumpyyyyyy, baby
open your mouth
when i'm goin # 2
you know what to do
make gene simmons proud

blumpies in the morning
blumpies at night
blumpies in the afternoon
they feel so right
blumpies in the outhouse
or the rv
front lawn blumpies
for the neighbors to see
blumpies at the party
right in front of our friends
blumpies in your car
ok, i'll wear depends
blumpies at the auction
when i'm placin' bids
blumpies in the classroom
while i'm teachin' the kids
blumpies in church
while prayin to god
blumpies at the pet store
in front of some dogs
blumpies at the dentist
when my teeth are getting cleaned
or while i'm brewin coffeee
better than caffeine

you know what i mean?

time for the chorus chuck norris

just give that blumpyyyyyy
when i'm sittin down
bathroom door is closed
don'tchew plug your nose
make me scream and shout

give that blumpyyyyyy, baby
open your mouth
when i'm goin # 2
you know what to do
make gene simmons proud

blumpies in space
on the way to uranus
and giving blumpies
just might make you famous
i got a blumpy
from this sexy white russian
when she was done
we found the toilet wasn't flushin'
so what in the world
did we do
she took me to the river
blumpy in her canoe
she lost her shoes
i lost one aqausock
we never found her shoes
but my aquasock was
floating by the dock
of the bay adjacent to
a nice cafe so i screamed
hurray
then ate chili at the all you can eat buffet
and got another
nice blumpy while we rode away on a rented segway
it was terrific a day i must say

just give that blumpyyyyyy
when i'm sittin down
bathroom door is closed
don'tchew plug your nose
make me scream and shout

give that blumpyyyyyy, baby
open your mouth
when i'm goin # 2
you know what to do
make gene simmons proud